Be Still....

Now the thought of being still and quiet is not real high on my list of priorities.

I am a mom after all, of 5 kids of a great variance of needs and ages.

And being quiet requires me to focus on keeping my mind still and in places of peace.

It is much easier to be busy.

You know the challenge of being a Mary in a Martha world---I am reading that book right now by the way!

So part of my challenge being layed up with my bum knee is keeping my normally busy self from going stir crazy sitting around with my leg up.

This mornings run to Walmart ended with a two hour stretch down on the couch.

All this laying around has caused sleepless nights too.

So what have I been learning through this trial of rest....

TV is bad company after a show or two--LOL

God's perfect timing---the two books that had been delayed reaching me, both got here, one the day before and one the day after my surgery.  The other one is Follow Me by David Platt---great book.

As I had the time to really digest the Follow Me book and think on it, it became clear that the timing was perfect for one of my children and the struggles they were having.  Me being down allowed the time to read, reflect, and train.

I have been working on memorizing the book of Colossians and have been doing it while I have been walking.  With that option out right now, I have been doing lots of review while laying sleepless in bed at nights!  Though I may be reviewing it a little incorrectly in the dark--LOL

I am so thankful to have a husband who loves to cook--and a son who is extremely interested in learning--especially this vegan thing we are doing.

And on the humorous side, guys really do think a kitchen is clean when it is very questionable whether it is!

And I am so very thankful for my husband's great job with good insurance that allows me to have this surgery done so that I can keep up with my family again without the constant pain.

God is good.

Lessons learned are good.

And I am learning that being still can be good.

When Grief Looks Like Anger

I have been pondering this statement that the Lord gave me for the last few days.

When grief looks like anger......

How does one wade through the ugliness and harshness of raw anger?

How do we find the pain locked deep inside?

How do we uncover trauma and fear and pain that has laid buried for years?

How do we seek out reasons when communication is hindered?

Is it disability or adoption or age?

Will we ever reach a point of total healing?

How can I better help to draw out the hidden?

Should it be drawn out?

Or is it better to wait till they are ready and it surfaces?

Do you point out to them the fears they may be unaware of ?

Or will it only add to the confusion of the mix?

Parenting treasures from hard places is HARD!

 Sometimes we are stretched way beyond what we know...

But we have been blessed with family and friends to help fill in the gaps.

 Sometimes we cry with our kids in their pain because we are lost too....

But tears can bring great healing and bonding when we are drowning in sorrow.

 Sometimes we all make mistakes and wish we were able to undo them....

But in our house we do RE-DO's and second chances and I'm sorry really well. 

So rather than wallow in shame, we do grace.

And we seek to have our eyes opened to the reality of what is occurring in our family!

We see hope!

We see growth!

We see healing!

We see promised futures!

We see treasures sent by God to bless our family!

To teach us about redemption!

To teach us about compassion!

To teach us about forgiveness!

We see a picture of Christ working in our lives!

We can be ugly, yet He forgives us!

We can be unlovable, yet His love never fails!

We can be full of pain and bitterness, yet His tender mercies never end!     

Praise God He is not finished with any of us yet, but we are being transformed daily into His glorious image!

Processing

I have spent a large part of the last week processing how God has been working in our lives.

We had a path we thought we were being called to follow, both of us were in agreement on where we were heading, and it felt as if God was opening one door after another.

Then there was the BIG PAUSE and the WAIT.

Lots of prayers for wisdom would continue to sail to the Lord.

Then the ANSWER.

It was not what we thought, not the path we planned.

But very obviously GOD'S PERFECT PLAN!

The processing for me came in the form of finding HOW God used me in this situation.

It was not what I thought at all, but a totally different direction, with a totally different outcome than we originally thought.

But stepping back and seeing God's perfect hand was faith affirming, and the knowledge that He knew what was best for all involved  confirmed His all encompassing love.

I was not used how I thought, but in a whole new avenue.

I don't need to always know the best way, He will lead me in that if I just choose to walk in faith.

God is ALWAYS good!

This and That...

The kids went fishing with Dad today, and as you can see were successful.

Hannah was even successful at napping between the catches and waking up to get the net ready for each catch!

Caleb was successful in catching the most and the biggest fish!

David has been successful at playing well all day--fishing this morning, golfing this afternoon, and dessert with friends tonight.

I, on the other hand, had great plans for my quiet morning with no kids, and other than finishing the small basket of ironing, most of what I had to do today came to frustration and incompleteness.

All I can say is God was working on my get it done attitude and saying, take it easy!

So I will try this afternoon :)

You ever had one of those weeks where you got so much accomplished, you feel very in control.  Well that was my week.  Guess He is reminding me that He is in control and His timing is best.  Though I want to get so much done before we are called away to hold babies :) --guess I am doing my own nesting---  I need to recall that all is in His amazing hands and His grace will cover all my sort-comings and that it is through His hands that I accomplish anything at all.

So now for a few minuted of down time before heading out to jui jitsu and some reading while Caleb is working out :)

A Baptism

 Caleb decided a month ago that he wanted to get baptized.  He accepted the Lord a few years ago during our home group and has just decided he was ready for this step.

 David spent some time with him making sure he understood what it meant.  Pastor Dale spoke with him also.

 And here is our brave boy going first, he was very nervous.

 But very excited to be making this step.

David and I are very excited for what God has in store for this young man.  It has been a struggle for him to get past so much fear to get to this point.  And to learn to trust in a level that would allow him to trust God with his whole life.  We continue to pray that he may grow into a strong young man who lives for Christ.

The Dignity of Human Life

Wow! Well done! The Dignity of Human Life by Focus on the family

Hearing That Still Small Voice.....

 Sometimes parenting can be hard work.

Sometimes we make it harder on ourselves by trying to go it alone or giving into our pride or listening to wrong advice.

I am very thankful that yesterday I had ears to hear the Still Small Voice whispering into "my" plans and busyness.


Yesterday as I was heading home I heard that Still Small Voice say check _______.   I thought that was odd because this had never been something that had been a problem, but it persisted.

So I immediately checked ________ when I got home and yes it did need to be checked.  Yes, this was a first time and Praise His Name it was caught the first time.

Now I gave this precious treasure every opportunity to confess, but as any of you who have treasures from the hard places know, things first learned for survival are hard to let go.

Sadly he did not take the opportunity and I showed him _____.  He then confessed.

Now that, Praise be to God, is not the end!!!!

Again, that Still Small Voice spoke into my heart.

I let him know how a small seed of sin can grow if left hidden and that I was thankful for this revelation.

I asked him what this made him and he said, "Liar, Cheater".

Yea your right, it makes you a sinner.....

Just like ME!

Because you know sin is sin.

And we all sin.

Praise God He is not finished with us yet!

I am praising Him today for His speaking to me that I may have  the privilege anew to speak truth and love into my precious son's life.

Caleb this is all part of becoming like Jesus.

Learning to turn from sin.

Learning to confess our sin.

Learning to uncover our sin and be cleansed anew.

Learning to love those who correct us because they love us and want the best for us.

You know as part of his punishment he had to scrub the shower walls, twice.

And he went into Hannah's room, got the portable radio and brought it into the bathroom and was singing praise hymns while he was scrubbing!!!

A soul being washed in truth.

A soul being trained in righteousness.

A soul learning to love.

God is so very good.

What a Savior we serve.

Think about it....

Amazed....

This kid amazes me.

He is growing and maturing is so many ways right now as to spin the mind.

Today was one of our challenge days---they tend to be Mondays:/

But as we were discussing one of our issues today, God slowed me down, as He has been a lot lately with this one.

He said, "Show your son the root of the sin, show him the reality of how he is gripping on to it, help him learn to release it."

Yes, we are moving beyond behavior modification to helping him really come to grips with how our sinful hearts can deceive us.

He really has trouble understanding his sin, yet don't we all!

I am so very thankful for my faithful husband and friends that lovingly point out my areas of blindness.

So I in turn, seek to help Caleb to learn it is something we all deal with.

***It does not me we are irredeemable.

***It does not mean we are unlovable.

***It does not mean that grace cannot met us where we are.

***It does not mean we cannot be forgiven and start afresh.

For kids from the 'hard places' who have experienced significant pain and loss in their young lives, there is an extra layer to work through.

It is easy for Caleb to reject the above truths.

To go to his place of comfort.

But to allow this would be to short change my wonderful son of all the blessings:

***that lie in walking in the freedom of guilt and shame

***that lie in living a life fully focused on bringing God all the glory

***that lie in living in the truth and not being blinded by bitterness

So, though we have our rough days, I am learning, as I believe Caleb is, to rejoice even in these days because God is so good to give them to us so we can be challenged and changed into the likeness of his precious Son.

Because that is the only prayer I pray for ALL my children regularly----

That they may be molded in the potter's hand into the likeness of Jesus---

And the hard part is "whatever it takes".

Thank you Lord for loving us so much that you refine us!

Why the Silence?

It has been a month since I posted, and in the couple of months before that I was only posting family major moments.

Why?

Because I needed some time to.....

I choose not to blog during my journey for many reasons, but it is best said that God has been doing a work in my heart that has taken me deep.

A friend described it like: getting a bad cut on your leg. You get treatment. It looks to be healing, so you put off your return appointment. Soon it looks almost better besides one small black spot that is almost gone. You finally make that check-up appointment and the doctor cancels all his appointments for the day! He must cut open your leg and laboriously remove all the infection that has set in and is threatening to take your life!

It takes deep cleansing work to clean out the gunk that we either by choice or lack of knowledge do not remove upon its arrival.

So, by God's amazing grace, I chose.......

I asked and He is good to answer.

My journey has been difficult, but good.

I have learned more about myself: my fears, my wrong thinking!

I have walked through......

God has done a good work!

I am still a work in progress--Praise God!

I am working diligently.

As a friend said, "NO STINKIN THINKIN!"

I am working on daily reminding myself who I am in Him......

Amazing that our Lord loves us so much He will not allow us to continue in our sin
(wrong thinking), but will use what He need to conform us to the image of His Son.

When I started this journey all I wanted was to have the pain over with.

But I am learning to trust God in the pain.

I am learning to find peace in God in the pain.

Rather than the trial being the focus, God has become my focus in a new way.

And I know with total conviction.....

My trials are to change me more into the image of Christ and I can cling to the goodness of God in my pain.

So where does this leave me?

A sinner just like you, being changed daily into the image of Jesus.

Though there may be pain in the journey, God is faithful--I Cor. 10:13 No temptation has overtaken you but such as is common to man; and GOD IS FAITHFUL, who will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able, but with the temptation will provide the way of escape also, so that you will be able to endure it.

I AM thankful for this journey.

I AM praising God that He does not leave me as I am.

I AM thankful for my family and friends who have walked with me on this journey.

I AM thankful for His Word that NEVER fails.

I AM thankful that God has a plan for me.

I AM thankful for His love that NEVER fails.

So I will be changing my header verse to:
Philippians 4:4-9
Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, rejoice! Let your gentle spirit be known to all men. The Lord is near. Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. and the peace of God which surpasses all comprehension, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Finally, brethren, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is of good repute, if there is any excellence and if anything worthy of praise, dwell on these things. The things you have learned and received and heard and seen in me, practice these things, and the God of peace will be with you.

It Makes Me Cry

It makes me want to cry when I know how hard he has to work for some things...

When trauma has affected his ability to learn and retain.

It hurts to know it will probably always be a struggle.

But God....

This has not taken Him unawares.

He only has the best in mind for all of us.

He formed him in his mother's womb.

HE DOES NOT MAKE MISTAKES!!

Caleb and I are learning to trust in a new way!

Praise God, Your mercies are new every morning!!

Thank you God for this amazing treasure you have blessed us with!!

Your blessings overflow!!

Today

Life is a vapor--Today my goal is to live like there is no tomorrow!

Life is a gift---Today my goal is to give it away!

My life is not my own---Today my goal is to live it unto the One who has paid my ransom!

More than just a cute face....

Yeah, I know mom's are kinda prejudiced in their thinking of their kids!!

I am no exception!

This guy, with his mischievous grin, is more than just cute, fast and troublesome:)

He has a heart of gold!

Yesterday he was texting me from class about orphanages and asking if I could get him some names of some that could use some help---well yeah, no problem.

He was asking about Sarah's Covenant Homes and some maybe in Africa.

They had a project they had to do for a class that required them to raise funds and choose where to make an impact.

His heart was broken to hear that most kids had no awareness of the needs of orphans overseas, nor did they care to hear the stories of his siblings and how lack of food and medical treatment almost killed his little sister!

When he finally was able to call, he was so upset with their lack of vision. Saying over and over that he knew what $5000 could do for kids with nothing, how they could eat, get medicine, and clothes.

Their world is small!

His world is BIG!

And better yet, his God is BIG!

Though his classmates vetoed him and one other student, I KNOW this will not be the last we hear from him.

I am excited to see where God takes my amazing son in this life.

He will be traveling to San Diego this weekend with his Dad, to race in Junior National Cross Country Championships.

They are looking forward to guy time, gorging on racing, and encouraging one another.

Pray for their traveling safety, for both of them as they have homework to accomplish too, and a blessed time of encouragement to one another. And as our family focus has been, that they be aware of the opportunities God puts in their path to be a light for Him!

You have searched me...

Psalm 139

1 You have searched me, LORD,
and you know me.
2 You know when I sit and when I rise;
you perceive my thoughts from afar.
3 You discern my going out and my lying down;
you are familiar with all my ways.
4 Before a word is on my tongue
you, LORD, know it completely.
5 You hem me in behind and before,
and you lay your hand upon me.
6 Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,
too lofty for me to attain.

7 Where can I go from your Spirit?

Where can I flee from your presence?
8 If I go up to the heavens, you are there;
if I make my bed in the depths, you are there.
9 If I rise on the wings of the dawn,
if I settle on the far side of the sea,
10 even there your hand will guide me,
your right hand will hold me fast.
11 If I say, “Surely the darkness will hide me
and the light become night around me,”
12 even the darkness will not be dark to you;
the night will shine like the day,
for darkness is as light to you.

Sanctity of Human Life Sunday

Some thoughts to remember on this Sanctity of Human Life Sunday.

Psalm 139:13

For you created my inmost being;
you knit me together in my mother’s womb.

Leviticus 19:32

“‘Stand up in the presence of the aged, show respect for the elderly and revere your God. I am the LORD."

James 1:27

Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world.

Cup or Reflector?

God has so been working in my life in the last couple of weeks.

I have some issues that have been brewing for a while.

Sometimes they come to the front and are ugly. My friend,Laurel, called them 'mud puddles'.

Other times it would seem as if they are not there at all.

Through all this, in the last 8 years or so, God has been faithful to walk with me and guide me.

To give my family an abundance of love and patience.

But this time I decided it was time to hit it face on and get to the roots and quit stuffing them down. I am going to wallow in that mud puddle for a while and get to the down a dirty!

Oh I have been so blessed by friends who will walk with me and counsel me and point out blind spots. Also an unbelievable husband and family.

So here and there you will get snippets of where I am.

So tonight's snippet:

I am not a cup to be filled so much, as I am made to be a life that reflects Him!! More of Him and less of me!

Simple, but where I am tonight!

Delighting in Him in all things!!

The Lion and the Lamb

A few weeks ago we were privileged to get to view this amazing Lion and Lamb!

This was put together--literally--by two taxidermists who attend our church!

More information can be found here about what they are hoping to do with this wonderful picture of our Lord.

Sometimes....

God uses the storms in our lives.....

to cause amazing beauty, like these storm clouds.

Trusting and believing there is beauty in the storm!

I Peter 5: 6-7

James 1: 2-4

Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. James 1:2-4

Watching, waiting, praying, knowing the Lord is at work!!!!

....but God!!!!

I guess there are a lot of things I could say, or not say anything at all and save face,

but.....

Let's just say it like this.....

We are circling the wagons!!!!

Lots of pressures, lots of attacks!!

Get thee behind us Sat*n!!

Our God is stronger than anything you can throw at us!!!