This week at our adoptive parents gathering we used the book "Twenty Things Adopted Kids Wish Their Adoptive Parents Knew" to jump start discussion on birth parents. Chapter 8 discusses how adoptive children think about their birth parents often, and chapter 9 says that they want us to open discussion about their birth parents. I like that this book comes from an older adoptee's perspective. I have lots of discussion with parents in the same place as I am, but I want to be prepare Caleb and Hannah for the emotions and loss that will grow and change as they do.
As parents of older adoptees, it is not hard to start discussion of birth parents. Caleb has many memories of both his parents, though his father died when he was three. He enjoys talking of Mama Deedee and happily shares his memories with his sister. Hannah seems to have no memory other than what Caleb shares.
We have watched Caleb's memories and discussions of his family and all things Liberian, go from the fearful to the every day. What I mean by that is when he first came home he shared basic facts, then as he started trusting he began sharing the horrible things he witnessed and seemed sort of stuck on those memories. Now 3 years later he is relating normal everyday things, like watching his mother cook or walking to the market. I think he has gone beyond the fear of war and hunger, to feeling safe!
So as we discussed whom to send Valentines to, we spoke of our love for Mama Deedee. We include her in our prayer times. We talk of what she might be doing today, a normal day. We discuss whom they may look like. But most importantly we discuss her love for them.
I pray that we may have the wisdom to lead our children as they grow to love and understand the hard choice she made, that they will hold no bitterness.
And we pray for Mama Deedee, for her safety and that she may be drawn to the knowledge of her Savior.
And we pray that our family, both here and in Liberia, may be bonded together.
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