I have a favor to ask of any of you out there with an inter-racial family such as ours.I, along with a friend who has a son with disabilities, have been asked to share with a home school group on how families can help prepare their children to interact with children of different races and special needs, and what life is like for our families.
I know that for our family talking to the kids about what people say and how they act, has helped them both to understand the world around them. For Caleb especially as he gets older and is more aware of the stares and pointing fingers.
I also address any questions or staring that my children may be doing towards a person of a different race or disability right on the spot. Such as when Hannah asks "Why is that man in a wheelchair?" We address the question right there--there is nothing to be ashamed about by a young child's question, nor is there anything to be embarrassed about by a disability. I am honest, straightforward with the question publicly, especially if it is asked publicly.
So my questions are:
How do you deal with racial issues with your children?
How would you advise others who are not in an inter-racial family to prepare their children before hand?
What would you recommend for a family whose child has asked and awkward question or been pointing in the store?
2 comments:
I would say the biggest comment we get has to do with having soo many children. People are shocked when we walk in...and ask- are these kids all yours? When we say yes- their eyes bug out. Then they say something like your hands are full. We say yes- and we LOVE IT!
I think the stares don't really phase us anymore. I always say it is because we have a lot of children, they are the most beautiful, and the BEST behaved. That is why they stare. :)
I think the most irritating question we get is - are they all real siblings- to which we respond- YES. Why would I tell a stranger that they aren't. I know what they are saying, but I don't think they realize that if I say no in front of my children- they would believe they are not real siblings. SO not true. Of course I love seeing their response afterwards when they say what are their ages :) 10, 8, 7 1/2, 7, 5, 4, 2 1/2- hmmmm something doesn't fit- and I smile as I walk away.
When it comes to questions about adoption I love sharing whatever I can as much as I can. As long as it is genuine. If not I give them the quickest answer I can. I love talking about adoption, and you can do that without loads of personal details. 6 of our children are through foster care & 1 from Ethiopia. So we explain the general processes.
I do remember the best answer I have ever heard when it comes to cost - although we haven't really ever been asked that. They said it isn't a cost- it is a ransom. How much would you pay for your husband, your other children in your home, etc? ANYTHING. Makes the money seem pretty insignificant doesn't it? Plus there are some of the fees that go to the country to help others, help the orphanage where your child is taking care of them, and some administration fees. Actually for us the biggest chunk of fee had to do with travel.
I think when it comes to having children who are different. I think it is important that no matter what skin color your children are- you surround them with all kinds of colors of dolls, children in books, etc. It is important to surround them with diversity as much as possible even if the area you live in is not diverse. We try to have toys that are as diverse as possible. There are also plenty of books that have children of all shades in them!
As far as children with disabilities- again you can get diversity in toys! I love that fisher price has a little person in a wheelchair- opens up conversation. We also have a book called In Jesse's Shoes- LOVE IT- talks about having a brother with autism, or something similar. There are Barbie books with people in wheelchairs, or have crutches. Hey, don't like barbie, but we have that book.
I would also suggest some books about adoption. That way you can talk about what it is to your children even if you aren't doing it. Here are some suggestions...
Shoey & Dot - talks about being excited to fly over an meet your child.....etc. Fun & cute for kids
Jo Jo, A Tiny Story of Faith- this one is longer, and I CRY EVERYTIME!!! I can't help it! It is about a mother who gets very ill, and a couple that has searched many different ways over 10 years to have a child- and God brings them together......just wonderful!
My Adopted Child There's No One Like You - is a great way to open up conversation to your child about adoption. Realistic and understandable language & correlation. Basically at school the panda bear was given an assignment on the traditional family tree. When he gets home he talks to his mom & dad who are brown bears....it does a great job at illustration for kids.
Little Lost Bat is a story of how adoption takes place in nature with bats. It is not your typical story of adoption, but fun because it shows that God designed it in nature as well.
God Found Us You- another awesome book :)
Hi Donna....this doesn't really answer your question but it makes me smile everytime I think about it.....since we live in a land where our kids are surrounded by so many cultures and colors they often don't see the "differences" anymore. When K was in 3rd or 4th grade she came home from school one day and ask if I knew that her friend's older brother was adopted and she was surprised to find out that I already knew. What made this neat was the members of this particular family are all very blond and the oldest son is adopted from Mali and is very dark. She never saw the color difference as as issue....
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